My Emotions and My Thoughts

I wrote this long back, about 2.5 years back. I think I need to put it down here so that I can see this quite often

I am writing this down so that I could see for myself the developments in my life.There's no source,other than my mind, from where I could gather my days of yore and think what was life before and obviously the mind can't remember such important details as it is jammed with a plethora of useless things. I hope this would improve my instincts and develop in me a sense of....something I can't describe now.While Iam wondering what to pen down,thinking of a more artistic way to make this interesting,my emotions , the same emotions everyone has , are making the words flow.I am still unable to set a goal for myself in life.Lots and lots of opportunites,dont know which one to prioritize and which one to dump along the way.

I wonder why I follow the mob everytime,why not something of my own.If one could create opportunites from whatever he has,why can't I, am I a dummy, I believe not.Then why..thats the question that has been pricking me like a thorn from the day I graduated.I dream myself of being an entreprenuer(Iam not joking) .I wonder, if I cant decide a way out of the rat-race, what kind of entreprenuer am I? Every night I try to chalk out my plans, but could never decide on anything.Often I say to myself "From what you are now,You are better than many people in this world,then why are you unhappy and why do u stress yourself so much,take your time to think"..but I long ago left the philosophies of life...which I followed hoping to become a better person and realize my dreams but the very rules left me berserk with painful memories moving like pictures in my head. Now Iam on my way to ruling out emotions from my mind...but the human tendency never lets them out...so thats what prompts me to scribble something meaningless here.

I believe in Karma that 'I make my own destiny'..so i need not fear what lies ahead because it's what I do now makes me what I will be.But still something lurks inside that makes me uneasy( Reminds me of lyrics from 'Linkin Park', the band which I hated for disturbing my sleep during my under-graduation and the same band which brings out the thoughts that I have now). Irony of Human Nature!!

My First

I never thought I'd start blogging, actually I never wanted to blog. I always wondered why people wrote loads and loads of all kinds of , could I say, crap !! Then, I saw some really useful blogs, some which gave me a lot of exposure and some which opened up new avenues for me and I just wanted to say one thing - "You guys are amazing", awed by their determination and patience to write something that's really useful.

Even then, I didn't have the tiniest bit of interest to blog. It's kinda weird, being a techie who's hooked up to his laptop 12/7/365 and not being a blogger. May be I didn't feel the need to do so, or may be I just curbed the minute interest I had or may be I didn't have anything to write about. Ok, whatever, but here Iam today adding my bit of crap to all the crap that's existing over the internet. So why Iam blogging now? Good question.. Thats what this post is all about...let me think !!

The first and foremost reason, ok , to be frank there's only one reason, Iam BORED, UTTERLY BITTERLY BORED !! Iam the typical-undistinguished-unexceptional yet quintessential Indian software engineer who survives not on food and water but on e-mails, e-nteratinment..actually anything on the planet that starts with "e-". Lately, I've become so averse to all the e-things that I don't find anything interesting in the e-world and tried to find something to do in the real world and owing to my professional nature, couldn't find anything and had to revert back to the same thing again.

But doing the same stuff over and over again bored me, so I thought of things that I haven't done before and blogging was the first that hit me..so here Iam writing this blog , hoping that there would be something new to do and new to look out for, pen down my thoughts as randomly as they occur, and read them to amuse myself (and may be even few others, if I can)


And with that hope, I rest my case !!